Hilarious Jokes..

No.1
Somewhere in the mountainous regions of canada, a Giant Male Bear is terrorizing & eating the villagers and it stays on top of the mountains. One day, a brave warrior volunteer to go up to the mountains and kill the bear once and for all. He brought along knifes and swords. On top of the mountain, he found the bear and they fought for a few hours until he was caught by the bear and it was about to eat him up until he pleaded and says he'll do anything as long as the bear doesn't kill him. The bear asked him to do a 'blowjob' and thinking for his life, he did it & was freed by the bear but vomited many times while coming down the mountain. The villagers were excited and asked whether he had killed the bear but he was too embarrasssed to talk about it but promised revenge. A few days later, he brought along a shortgun,some hand grenades and went up the mountain again to make sure that he'll kill the bugger with ease. Once again after a few hours of battle, he was caught by the bear again. He pleaded and was once again, told to do a blow job for the bear. Worrying that he'll be killed if he doesn't comply, he did it and vomited again while going back to the village. He vowed revenge and fight to the death this time and carried along dynamites,AK-47 machine guns and a bazooka to whack the bastard. Once again after the a few hours, he again lost the war with the bear and was caught. The bear stared at him in the eyes and asked...Are u here actually to kill me or for the 'blowjob'?

P.S. a bit longwinded story, sorry yeah !

No. 2

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a spermcount as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring backa semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man re-appeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teethout, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first withboth hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between herknees, but still nothing."The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, *'Yep, none of us could get the jar open..."

4th Meet-Up 14th Nov (FRIDAY)

Take Note:

Meeting Place will be at Chinatown (Changing of plan)
Time will be between 6pm to 7pm.
Feel free to call whoever you think they are already there olright.

:)

Stress Reliever

1)
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

2)
Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife to husband: "What? At 2 am?!"
Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

3)
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

4)
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex?
He replied: Depends, if I can find a phone.

Please vote! :)

Hey members and committee..
So what's your vote for coming Friday dinner?

A) Bugis Steamboat
B) Dinner buffet at Zheng Fa Huo Huo Guo Hai Sen Guan (Saw from the "buffet buffet" variety show...at clementi? abit over hor? lol)
C) Zi Cha
D) Fish and Co (Glass house)
E) Claypot Rice
F) BAN MAN DRY

Other then all these above.. any other suggestions you all have in mind?
There is no such place that sell "suibian" or "anything" or whatever that is along the line ah....

SO PLEASE VOTE CAN! At least half of you vote..then we can come to a decision.

Reservation is not easy on FRIDAY.
Most restaurants usually don't take in reservation..
So please be prepared to WAITTTTTT again ahh..
Haha. :D

And is Lynn's suggestion for PRAWNING taken into anot?
NO response means what ah?

Pending: Gretel, Yishan, Eileen, Worm and Kelly 's to revert their attendance.

"Thanks! Thanks!" :D

LaughZ

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse news'. 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. 'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news possibly be worse?' The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since yesterday'.

A lady lost 3 panties in her house. She blamed her maid in front of her husband. The maid replied: " Sir! you should know very well I don't wear any underwear!"

Jokes

3 hunters Jack, Andy and Mark from America went to a jungle for hunting. While hunting they were caught by a group of Red Indian. The chief of the Red Indian wanted to kill them but the 3 hunter say to him
“Please don’t kill us; we will do everything you want us to do”

The chief laughed and replied:
“Ok, I will not kill you if you can fulfill what I want you to do, Now each of you go and search for a 1 basket of a single fruit and come back. And I will tell you what to do.

Jack quickly went to look for a kind of fruit and he brought back a basket of apples.

Followed by Andy, he brought back a basket of cherries.

A few hours have passed and Mark is not back yet so the chief gave the instruction to start without Mark first. He told Jack and Andy that, for the whole basket of fruits that they brought back, they need to squeeze every single fruit into their asshole and the rule is they cannot shout or laugh or make a single noise, if not they will be killed.

So Jack started with his apple first, For the first apple he try to squeeze in, he shouted in pain and he was killed.

Next is Andy, he squeezed his cherry 1 by 1 and he was doing well until the very last cherry he laughed out loudly and he was also killed!

Jack and Andy soul met in heaven and Jack asked Andy: “ Ehh why you laugh ? You damn stupid sia, Last cherry only and you don’t have to die!”

Andy replied: I saw Mark coming back with a basket of durian! Lol.

=)

A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey and two worms.

"Now, class. Observe closely the worms," said the professor putting a worm first into the water.

The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be.

The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the professor asked.

Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "! Not this time!"

4th Meet-Up :)

Attention all BMC members and the Committee!
(You know who you are..:D)

According to our every 2 weeks meet-up plan...
It's time for our 4th meet-up next week ah..!
Of coz this is not a COMPLUSORY meet-up yep..
but if you miss anyone.. E.g. peng miss lynn ah...leslie miss EVERYONE lah.. then no need to hesitate, just turn up. :D

I will appreciate if you guys update your preferred day for the meet-up okay.
(update your name on the days that you are available if only you are keen for it.)

PLEASE STATE THE DAYS THAT YOU ARE FREE NOT NOT ONLY CHOOSE ONE DAY !! THANKS =)


Mon (10/11) 1. Leslie

Tue (11/11) 1.Eugene 2. Leslie 3. peng

Wed (12/11) 1.Mag

Thurs (13/11) 1.Yanqing 2. Peng 3.Woon Cheng 4. Xiaoran 5.Shiyuan 6.Mag 7. Yong liang

Fri (14/11) 1.Yanqing 2.Peng 3.Lynn 4.Xiaoran 5.Eugene 6.Shiyuan 7.Mag 8. Leslie 9. Min jie 10. yong liang 11. Cheryl


As you guys know... we are a BIG BIG group... we always have the prob finding seats during dinner time.. AND~! we always DUNO where to head for dinner...

SOooo..do drop some suggestions here olright and hopefully we able to make reservation beforehand so that we need not wait for soooo long for the 2nd time....

A) Bugis Steamboat
B) Dinner buffet at Zheng Fa Huo Huo Guo Hai Sen Guan (Saw from the "buffet buffet" variety show...at clementi? abit over hor? lol)
C) Zi Cha
D) Fish and Co (Glass house)
E) Claypot Rice
F) BAN MAN DRY

PRAWNING after Dinner. (Lynn's suggestion. :D)

Thank you very de much..
See ya all! :) :)

Marriage Jokes

1. One day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing. 'You can have mine.'

2. I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and brought jewelry.

3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

4. A man meet a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says,' ok, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."

5. Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener

6. Marriage is grand....and divorce is at least 100 grand

7. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You ordered what you want and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

8. Love is one long sweet dream, marriage is the alarm clock.

9. There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married - now he is going through hell!!

10. A happy marriage is a matter of give and take; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Just for Laugh :)

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : "Wife wanted ". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing : "You can have mine."

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

It's easy to tell if a man is married or not. Just watch him drive a car with a woman sitting beside him. If both his hands are on the wheel, you can be sure he is married.

A man received a letter from some kidnappers. The letter said, "If you don't promise to send us $100,000 I swear that we will kidnap your wife." The poor man wrote back, " I am afraid I can't keep my promise but I hope you will keep yours."

What's the matter, you look depressed." "I'm having trouble with my wife." "What happened?" "She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days." "But that ought to make you happy isn't it ?" "It did, but today is the last day."