Hilarious Jokes..

No.1
Somewhere in the mountainous regions of canada, a Giant Male Bear is terrorizing & eating the villagers and it stays on top of the mountains. One day, a brave warrior volunteer to go up to the mountains and kill the bear once and for all. He brought along knifes and swords. On top of the mountain, he found the bear and they fought for a few hours until he was caught by the bear and it was about to eat him up until he pleaded and says he'll do anything as long as the bear doesn't kill him. The bear asked him to do a 'blowjob' and thinking for his life, he did it & was freed by the bear but vomited many times while coming down the mountain. The villagers were excited and asked whether he had killed the bear but he was too embarrasssed to talk about it but promised revenge. A few days later, he brought along a shortgun,some hand grenades and went up the mountain again to make sure that he'll kill the bugger with ease. Once again after a few hours of battle, he was caught by the bear again. He pleaded and was once again, told to do a blow job for the bear. Worrying that he'll be killed if he doesn't comply, he did it and vomited again while going back to the village. He vowed revenge and fight to the death this time and carried along dynamites,AK-47 machine guns and a bazooka to whack the bastard. Once again after the a few hours, he again lost the war with the bear and was caught. The bear stared at him in the eyes and asked...Are u here actually to kill me or for the 'blowjob'?

P.S. a bit longwinded story, sorry yeah !

No. 2

An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a spermcount as part of his physical exam.
The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring backa semen sample tomorrow."
The next day the 85-year-old man re-appeared at the doctor's office and gave him the jar, which was as clean and empty as on the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explained:
"Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried with my right hand, but nothing.Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help.
She tried with her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teethout, still nothing.
We even called up Arleen, the lady next door and she tried too, first withboth hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between herknees, but still nothing."The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your neighbor?'
The old man replied, *'Yep, none of us could get the jar open..."